It’s easy to get caught up in the past and to worry about the future. Events and circumstances happen, and people come into and out of our lives, and all of these things have lasting effects on us and in some way or another shape the person that we become as we continuously develop through our lives. It’s always our hope that most of these events and circumstances will be positive ones; however, it’s inevitable that the negative things will creep in too.
Sometimes it seems as if the negative things always happen at once. Sometimes they do, but sometimes it just feels that way because for whatever reason, it’s easier to for people in general to focus more on the negative than the positive. I’ll be the first to admit that when I’m having a bad day, I generally dwell on the circumstance that led to it until finally find a way to get past it or I break down.
I don’t like it when I have those days that are so bad I need to break down to get past it. So, I have an arsenal of various weapons that I utilize to try and avoid it.I write to try and help myself process my thoughts. I turn to my close friends, who always lend their ears. I search for quotes online that are encouraging and inspiring. Sometimes, though, it’s not enough. Sometimes it’s not supposed to be.
With the risk of sounding conceited (definitely not my intention), I consider myself to be a very caring person. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for someone I care about if it falls within my means to do so. My friends and family mean the world to me, and as I’ve learned in the last couple years, I’m beginning to see that when I’m involved in a relationship, I give everything I am to try and make sure the person I’m with is happy. I’ve discovered twice now just how fast I can fall for someone. Both times, things ended with me having one of those break down days that I do everything to avoid.
I haven’t really discovered the reason why, when I put so much into making a person happy, it’s that very moment when I’ve realized that I’ve started to fall for them that things begin to go downhill and I lose him. Luckily, the first time this happened, we were able to maintain at least a friendship. I consider him one of my closest friends, and I would still do anything for him. With this most recent breakup, though, I think the damage has been done and a friendship isn’t salvageable from what we had. Not that I would turn away a friendship. I’m just realizing that it’s probably not what he wants.
I don’t want to be the kind of person that builds walls to keep people out, and I don’t want to be the kind of person that goes into a relationship but keeps things at a distance to keep myself from getting hurt again. I want to continue being the person that puts all of himself into making others happy, especially when that person is someone that I could see myself being in a strong relationship with.
It hurts everyday. But that doesn’t mean I can break down everyday. I have a life to live. I have goals in life that I want to accomplish; other people that I want to help. It’s hard to keep myself from thinking about him throughout the day. There’s so much that reminds me of him. No matter what, though, I have to live each moment with better things in mind. I truly believe there’s someone out there that I can spend my life with, and I want to keep myself from becoming someone that can’t be receptive to that life.
Life goes on, and I have amazing people in my life that care for me. I don’t always let them know how important they are to me, but I hope they know I would do anything for them. All they have to do is ask.
So, why the waterfall? I love water and waterfalls are by far my favorite nature display. They make me smile.
“No matter what happens in this life, when you turn around, I’ll still be there.” -Unknown