Day 5: What is the one thing you finally did this year that you always wanted or said you were going to do, but in your heart of hearts never thought you would actually do?
This is probably just the writing prompt that I needed this year. It’s extremely relevant, that’s for sure. In May of last year, I began a process of becoming more real with myself and with others in my life. Around this time in 2009, I was really at war with myself as a person. I was fighting a battle that was never meant to be won, so of course I was losing. I was trying to make myself straight. I was having an internal battle with myself as I struggled to understand why I was having feelings that I never asked to have, desires for something that I at one time believed to be wrong (despite having them myself for as long as I can remember). I thought I was wrong. Thought the feelings I had were some sign that there was something not quite right about me.
Finally, I decided and made a commitment to myself that I would never enter into another relationship unless it could be real. Never again would I hurt someone in the struggle of making myself someone that I wasn’t meant to be. That was step 1. Step 2 came around that May (2010) when I met someone that changed my outlook on myself and probably saved my life. He listened, offered advice, and was always there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to. He convinced me to start letting other people in and to take the burden off of myself. To stop hiding. Step 3 involved building a support system. That was probably the easiest part of my journey so far.
Now on to the topic of the prompt. Step 5. The one thing that I finally did this year that I’ve always wanted to do: During Labor Day weekend of this year, I finally told my parents that I’m gay. It was probably one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever had to do before, but the sense of relief that flooded over me when they told me it was alright and that they accepted everything about me was so worth the thoughts of fear that had been holding me back. I couldn’t ask for a more loving family or more loving friends.
PS: I’m finally caught up on this writing challenge! Bring it on December!