Day 10: What is the best and/or worst thing about your life right now?
What a loaded question. What is the best and worst thing about my life right now? I suppose I’ll start with the worst, and I’ll end with the best.
The worst thing about my life is the daily struggle of fighting for myself. Not in a literal since, of course, but in the sense that there’s always something new to overcome. There’s always that sense of not being accomplished in life. I spent seven years gaining two degrees that I’m not using. My master’s degree is a hindrance to my bachelor’s degree because of a lack of experience in teaching, and I’m not really sure I want to return to the college realm as a staff member working in Student Affairs. Did I love my job? I most certainly did. I loved working with students and helping them whenever possible; however, over the course of those two years, I discovered something else that I would love to be doing. I got to dabble in the world of Counseling, and it made me want to return for a second Master’s in Counseling. Some other events in life made me want to specialize that degree in Crisis Intervention and Substance Abuse. That’s a far off goal, though. I have student loans and credit cards to pay off.
I want to feel like those seven years made a difference in my life, and most of the time, it’s hard to feel that sense of accomplishment. Sure, I obtained two degrees, but what do they really mean? To me, they’re two rather expensive pieces of paper that I’m not using. But, at the end of the day, what was the point of going through seven years of college for those pieces of paper? Aw, that’s the bittersweet part. It’s also why I started with the worst part, because it feeds into the best part of my life right now.
The best part of my life right now is that I’m alive. I’m also, for the most part, living my life the way it was intended to be lived. Maybe I’m not in the career that I’m supposed to be in or that I want to be in, but through the two years I spent at Missouri State in the Student Affairs grad program, I met a plethora of supportive friends and an amazing guy that helped me accept myself for who I was meant to be. That amazing guy’s name is Nick, and he convinced me to start the process of coming out to my friends, and everything about my life has gone uphill since then (Downside of all of that being that I kinda sorta fell in love with him and through lots of ups and downs discovered that things between us could never work out…that is a different topic entirely, though).
I’m at a point in my life now where I’m not really hiding anymore. Not everyone knows. That’s not the point. The point is, I’m happier now than I ever was before anyone else knew. The point is, I want to live now.