Love is…

*Begins sappy writing*

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

I had to look that passage up on the internet. It’s been so long since I’ve brought out my own Bible, that I’ve most likely forgotten where it is. My faith is blind. That’s the terminology I use to refer to myself in regard to where I stand spiritually. I’m not an atheist, but I’m not sure I can call myself a Christian despite my upbringing. I believe there’s a higher power out there. How can you look at the world around you and not believe in a higher power? Maybe it’s God, or maybe it’s another god. Who knows. Or maybe there really is nothing, and the universe is so mind-blowing on its own that it simply lends itself to crediting a higher power for its beauty. Not really the point of this post, so I’m moving on.

Despite walking away from the church, the passage above has always been a favorite of mine. It’s definition is so pure and so very unlike the definition that most Christians I know give to love. A couple days ago, Obama announced his support for gay marriage. Now, I’ve never really paid much attention to Obama or his agenda, but for him to openly express his support for a hot-topic struggle is incredibly humbling to me. 1 Corinthians offers a perfect definition of love. There’s no gender bias in there. It doesn’t say “Love is patient, love is kind. Love is between a man and a woman.” 

With all of the debate going on right now on the issue of same-sex marriage, my mind starts to wander. It starts to worry that I might not ever have someone that I can legally call my husband. The struggle for equality in love is a seemingly unending battle. With the loss in North Carolina after so many losses already, it’s a little disheartening. But no matter what happens, it’s a fight to keep fighting. It’s not a fair fight by any means. In my opinion, it’s not for someone else to decide. Why is it even up on the chopping block? There was no vote on straight marriage, yet in order for gay couples to express their love in a legally binding commitment, there has to be this drawn out battle?

It doesn’t really matter. My faith might be blind, but I still believe the part of the passage that says “love always perseveres. Love never fails.” This battle will play out in our favor eventually. And, I’ll keep waiting for the guy I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with. If there’s faith worth having, then I’ll have faith enough to believe that he’s out there waiting for me too, and one day we will find each other. On that day, everything will fall into place, and I’ll know that all of the waiting, all of the struggles, and all of the battles were worth it. 

To my future husband:
I’ll love you until I find you and forever after that.
I’ll dream of you at night, and on nights I can’t sleep, I’ll lie awake thinking of the day we’ll meet.
When I find you, we’ll both know it’s right, regardless of what others may think.
I’ll do my best never to hurt you, and I’ll give my life to protect you.
I’ll love you at your best and at your worst.
When you’re hurting, I’ll hold you in my arms, and I’ll tell you it’s ok.
When the world seems like it’s falling down around you, I’ll hold it up above your head.
When you go to sleep at night, you’ll never have to worry whether I’ll still be there in the morning.
I will always be there in the morning.
When you can’t find the words, I’ll sit with you in silence.
Until that day, I hope you’ll keep fighting. Until that day, I hope you’ll keep looking, because I’m looking for you too.

I needed to get that out there. Today has been a roller coaster of debates on Facebook. Going out to the Nature Center to walk the trails and take pictures was an escape, but this beats that by far. 

I don’t know what direction my faith is heading. I’m not in a place right now to be comfortable with God, and I know that it has nothing to do with him. One thing I know for sure, though, is that my desire to express this kind of love to my future partner is what keeps my faith from being drowned out entirely. In a world of so much hate, I have to keep believing that there’s someone out there that just as much in love with me as I am with him and that one day, faith will bring us together for eternity. 

*Ends sappy writing*

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