Day 4: Write about one of your biggest secrets.
This is probably one of the hardest things to write about. The other will come to fruition with a little time, but there’s still some housekeeping to be done there on a more personal level. A lot of people, even family and closest friends, don’t know that for the longest time I struggled with self-confidence and self-worth. Growing up in middle school and high school, I was always that kid that was picked last in gym class. I only had a couple of friends, and we were always considered the weird ones that no one else wanted to hang out with.
I grew up in church, and it seemed like even there things were very much the same. Sure, people were cordial and would talk to you if you talked to them. They were always polite, and I was really active in the youth group all during high school; however, it didn’t really matter how active I was, I always felt different from everyone else, and in a lot of ways I was. I didn’t really fit in with everyone else, and I never had a lot of confidence. I hated myself for a lot of reasons that I didn’t even understand myself at the time, and that mindset continued through high school. It wasn’t until I moved to Springfield for college that I really feel like I found a fit for myself.
Going to college was like starting over. I found a closer group of friends than I’d had in high school, and this group of friends was more accepting of who I was as a person than anyone had ever been while I was growing up in high school. I also started accepting things about myself that I had previously hated, which led to a much happier me; however, there was still a lot of growing to do. I still struggled with a lot of things through most of undergrad, and all of that changed during Grad School. It was then that I ended up in a Student Development Theory class, and I have to say that it was that class that really opened me up to who I am and helped me fully accept everything about myself that I never had accepted before.
I had a lot of dark days during high school and more during undergrad. Although my group of friends was closer during undergrad, there were still those things that I didn’t accept about myself and being away from home on top of all that was disheartening. During Grad School, though, things got a lot better, I found out that those things weren’t things that were going to hold me back in life, and I grew a lot as a person. I can’t say that I don’t still have dark days every once in a while, but for the most part I’m a much happier person than I was back then.
“You can the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.” -C. Joy Bell C.