Day 13: Write about something that happened to you this week.
I had a realization this week that I don’t think I’ve thought about before. I graduated high school and spent seven years going to college. I earned a Master’s degree in Higher Education, and three years later, I now have a job in my career field. But I’m not happy with it. I’m not happy here. No, that’s not the realization. The realization was that, to be completely honest, I was happier when I was retraining to be a manager at McDonald’s than I am working in my current position. Overall, my job at McDonald’s wasn’t horrible. I enjoyed working there; hell, I went back to that job three times. The people I worked with became my friends, I was moving up (the pay wasn’t so great, but money isn’t everything), and although I would have eventually have liked to live in the city, I was still surrounded by all the people that loved and cared about me.
Don’t misread what I’m trying to get across here. I have a passion for education, and I have no intentions of giving that up to go back to working at McDonald’s. But, comparing it to every other job (minus Missouri State. Those were good years too) I’ve ever had, McDonald’s has been one of the best experiences that I’ve had. It was the first job I had in high school, and it taught me how to be a leader. It taught me flexibility. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and stay later or come in earlier to help out, but that’s part of the job. In return, McDonald’s is a very flexible company to work for. Getting off work when you need or want to be off work is generally not a problem. I haven’t found my fit yet, and I know that there’s an education job waiting for me out there. Eventually, I do want to return for a second Master’s in Counseling. Financially and mentally, though, I’m not ready for it. I want to be in a job that I want to go to everyday. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but I have to believe that it will be better than where I’m at now. I also believe that wherever that somewhere is, it will not be 800 miles away from my loved ones and best friends. This job might have been somewhat tolerable if they’d been around, but I truly feel alone here. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced.
I’m job searching, and yesterday I received my first rejection email from a University I had done a phone interview with. It was hard to read, and if I hadn’t been with coworkers for lunch, I might have broken down. But if I let myself break down after every failed attempt, I’ll never get myself back to a place where I want to be. There’s a lot of “Debbie Downer” moments in this blog entry, but that’s not the point of it. The point is that to get back to where I want to be, I might need to go back to searching outside of my degrees again. Find something that works and then work toward something I want. I took this job on impulse, because it was the first University in three years that offered me something in my field. I didn’t give a lot of thought to how much separation I was putting between myself and the ones I love by coming here. I’m discovering that I’m not one of those people that can be states away from home without anyone else around.
Not going to give up on what I want. Eventually, everything will fall into place.
“In the end, everything will be ok. If it’s not ok, then it’s not the end.” -Unknown